I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
