some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
