i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
