3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i think my tv is drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
