I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
