she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
