that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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