This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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