If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
