I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
