so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
