Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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