Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
