Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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