quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
