I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize