Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
