i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
