You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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