i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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