Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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