I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
