Too much gin, very little bucket
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
