I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They took my balls.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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