i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
