im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Boobs speak an international language.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
