I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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