Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
