Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there's paper in my vomit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
