Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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