Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
