Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
