Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
