How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
