I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
