I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
