I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
