hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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