oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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