Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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