she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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