Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
