just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My bed smells like the plague
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
