he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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