i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
