I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
