Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
