everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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