I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
