the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
