and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
