saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
