its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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