U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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