Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just google imaged poop.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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