I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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