my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
worst night to have a conscience
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
